Feedback that Fuels Growth (Instead of Anxiety)

Let’s be honest, few words make people squirm more than “feedback.” For some, it brings up visions of a dreaded performance review. For others, it feels like bracing for criticism. But here’s the truth: feedback is simply communication with purpose. It’s how we grow, how we strengthen relationships, and how we create workplaces where people actually want to stay.

When feedback is given well, it’s not a scary thing. It’s a gift. And when you’re open to receiving it, it can become one of the fastest ways to build confidence and momentum in your career.

Why Feedback Matters

Feedback is powerful because it shines a light on both strengths and blind spots. Without it, people are left guessing: Am I doing well? Am I missing something? Does anyone even notice my effort?

Gallup found that employees who received meaningful feedback in the past week were far more likely to be engaged—no matter if they were remote, hybrid, or in-office. The takeaway? People don’t just want feedback. They need it.

The Recipe for Meaningful Feedback

When you’re the one giving feedback, think about it in three parts:

1. Situation – What happened? Be specific about the time, place, and context.

2. Behavior – What did the person do (or not do)? Focus on actions, not personality.

3. Impact – Why does it matter? Explain the effect their actions had on others, results, or the team.

This framework keeps feedback clear and grounded, instead of vague or personal.

Example:

• Situation: “In yesterday’s client presentation…”

• Behavior: “…you paused and asked thoughtful questions before diving into your slides.”

• Impact: “…that built credibility with the client and set a collaborative tone.”

See the difference? It’s simple, direct, and empowering.

Giving Feedback That Actually Lands

Giving feedback doesn’t have to feel like walking a tightrope. When you approach it with clarity and intention, you build trust instead of anxiety. Here’s how to make your feedback stick:

1. Anchor it in the Situation–Behavior–Impact framework.

   • Situation: Be specific about when and where something happened.

   • Behavior: Describe what the person did (not who they are).

   • Impact: Share why it matters - how it affected the team, results, or you.

2. Example: “In yesterday’s team meeting (situation), you jumped in to redirect the conversation when it got off track (behavior). That helped us finish on time and stay focused on next steps (impact).”

3. Be timely and ask permission. Feedback has the most impact when it’s close to the event. And a simple, “Do you have a moment for some feedback?” shows respect and gets buy-in.

4. Drop the “feedback sandwich.” People can see it coming a mile away. Instead, lead with clarity. If it’s positive, celebrate it. If it’s constructive, get to the point and then pivot to solutions.

5. Stick to one or two points. Overloading someone with a laundry list dilutes the message. Choose the most important takeaway you want them to act on.

6. End with partnership. Ask: “What support would be helpful?” or “How can I help you put this into action?” This shifts the conversation from critique to collaboration.

Receiving Feedback Without Spiraling

Getting feedback can feel personal, but it doesn’t have to send you into self-doubt. The key is to treat it as information you can choose how to use.

1. Get curious, not defensive. Instead of thinking, “They don’t like me,” try, “What can I learn from this perspective?” Curiosity opens the door to growth.

2. Pause before reacting. It’s okay to say: “Thanks for sharing this. I want to sit with it and reflect before responding.” Taking a beat shows maturity and keeps you from reacting in the heat of the moment.

3. Ask clarifying questions. “Can you give me a specific example?” or “How did that impact the project?” helps you move from vague comments to actionable insights.

4. Filter for what matters. Not all feedback is equally useful. Ask yourself:

   • Is this something I can control?

   • Does it align with my goals?

   • Is there a pattern or multiple sources pointing to the same thing?

5. Reflect with a trusted colleague or mentor. Sometimes you need another perspective to sort through what’s helpful and what’s not.

6. Choose your next step. Feedback isn’t valuable unless you do something with it. Decide: What will I try differently? What will I keep doing? What will I let go?

Building a Feedback-Friendly Culture

Here’s the dream scenario: a workplace where feedback isn’t rare, scary, or one-sided - it’s woven into everyday conversations.

From both my coaching work and Gallup’s research, meaningful feedback tends to include:

• Recognition. Genuine appreciation for recent work.

• Relationships. Respect, trust, and inclusion as the foundation.

• Clarity. Clear goals and expectations.

• Consistency. Shorter, more frequent check-ins (15–30 minutes).

• Strengths. Connecting feedback to what people naturally do best.

When feedback sounds like this, it shifts from being something we dread to something we actually welcome.

Feedback isn’t about catching mistakes. It’s about fueling growth, deepening trust, and reminding people that their work matters.

So the next time you’re tempted to hold back because it feels awkward, remember: the most meaningful workplaces are built on conversations. Give the feedback. Receive the feedback. And watch your team, and your own career, rise to the next level.

Want to practice giving and receiving feedback in a way that builds confidence instead of anxiety? That’s the kind of real-world skill I coach leaders and teams on every day. Let’s talk.

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